Why I’m Glad Halloween Isn’t a Couple’s Holiday

Kim Kardashian

Image Source: W Magazine

Finally, there’s a holiday when it’s okay to be single! Yes, couples still go out and wear matching Halloween costumes with their significant others, but it’s also a liberating holiday for singles in my opinion. When you’re a kid, the important thing is to have fun and score tons of candy. When you’re an adult, it’s just another way to let loose and have fun. Because people usually get so busted, no one cares if you’re with someone. You could be that creeper who hits on everyone, but no one would care! I honestly love Halloween, especially because it’s perfectly fine to be single today.

Here’s three specific reasons why I can’t get enough of this holiday:

  1. It gives you an excuse to be whoever or whatever YOU want to be, and you don’t have to worry about matching your costume with your loved one. It’s a super fun way to dress up as an alter-ego, and the best part is that no one judges you. But still remember to be yourself. You should only dress as something you actually want to be. It’s not like you have a boyfriend or girlfriend to impress.
  2. People don’t judge you for going out as a single body. People could care less, and most of the people going out only want to get laid, so there’s no doubt that you’ll meet lots of singles tonight at Halloween parties and at bars.
  3. You can eat and drink as much as you want without the fear of social persecution. Everyone’s eating, and everyone’s drinking! It’s quite an unhealthy holiday, but who cares? It’s fun, and it’s perfectly fine to have fun every now and then. Get loose, and enjoy yourself. And if you meet someone on this eventful night, then more power to you because they’ll already know what you’re like at one of your lowest points!
Kristen Wiig

Image Source: Dearest Lou

And if you don’t have any friends, don’t fret because Halloween is the perfect time to meet some new weird friends. Get yourself out there, and be glad that you don’t have someone weighing you down just yet!

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Birthday Proposals? Nope.

Source: atlantablackstar.com

Image Source: atlantablackstar.com

Let’s give Kim and Kanye a belated congrats, shall we? Because their love is soooo romantic (well, not really) and come on, North West? Too cute.

Anyway, while I guess I could be fake-happy about the newly engaged couple—I just have to get something off of my chest. Fuck birthday proposals. Let me repeat, Fuck. Birthday. Proposals. While the gesture seems like the perfect opportunity to get your potential partner to say yes, it is also the worst time ever.

I swear, if someone proposes to me on my birthday, I’m going to lose it, and here’s why:

1.  IT’S MY BIRTHDAY. I might be bitter about the fact that I’ve had a couple crappy celebrations in the past. But, that day is the only time that I can shine and not feel too weird about it. For the rest of my life I would have to remember that my SO proposed on February 3rd and my livelihood would become irrelevant—and don’t even get me started on the PTSD I would have if there was a divorce.

2. It’s not creative. Like Kanye West said:

If I wanted it to be romantic, I would have gone to a small restaurant or something.

LOL. But the man has a point, because baseball stadiums don’t necessarily exude romance . On top of that, the whole “I had a viral wedding proposal” thing is getting old (it’s sooo 2013) and the publicity that surrounds events, because yes it is an event, allows people (like me) to pick every single aspect apart. So instead of being “romantic,” Mr. Kardashian West made it the most talked about thing of last week, thus fulfilling his goal of being one-half of the “best celeb couple ever.” At least that’s what he wants, right?

3. It feeds ego. Instead of the proposal being about the two lovebirds, it becomes about the “OMG THAT’S THE ULTIMATE PRESENT, OMG HOW DID HE PULL THAT OFF WITHOUT HER KNOWING, OMG BEST BDAY SURPRISE EVAAAHHHH,” which makes the proposer feel all high and mighty for, arguably, the wrong reasons.

4. Finally, what if he/she says no? While the proposée could feel obligated to say yes outside of the love realm, they might not feel ready or may not even like you like you, but just like you (Hey Arnold, whattup).

Now, by all means, do whatever you want. I’m not here to tell you what you can and cannot do (because it’s your life, your choices, blah blah). BUT don’t say I never warned you.