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Birthday Proposals? Nope.

Source: atlantablackstar.com

Image Source: atlantablackstar.com

Let’s give Kim and Kanye a belated congrats, shall we? Because their love is soooo romantic (well, not really) and come on, North West? Too cute.

Anyway, while I guess I could be fake-happy about the newly engaged couple—I just have to get something off of my chest. Fuck birthday proposals. Let me repeat, Fuck. Birthday. Proposals. While the gesture seems like the perfect opportunity to get your potential partner to say yes, it is also the worst time ever.

I swear, if someone proposes to me on my birthday, I’m going to lose it, and here’s why:

1.  IT’S MY BIRTHDAY. I might be bitter about the fact that I’ve had a couple crappy celebrations in the past. But, that day is the only time that I can shine and not feel too weird about it. For the rest of my life I would have to remember that my SO proposed on February 3rd and my livelihood would become irrelevant—and don’t even get me started on the PTSD I would have if there was a divorce.

2. It’s not creative. Like Kanye West said:

If I wanted it to be romantic, I would have gone to a small restaurant or something.

LOL. But the man has a point, because baseball stadiums don’t necessarily exude romance . On top of that, the whole “I had a viral wedding proposal” thing is getting old (it’s sooo 2013) and the publicity that surrounds events, because yes it is an event, allows people (like me) to pick every single aspect apart. So instead of being “romantic,” Mr. Kardashian West made it the most talked about thing of last week, thus fulfilling his goal of being one-half of the “best celeb couple ever.” At least that’s what he wants, right?

3. It feeds ego. Instead of the proposal being about the two lovebirds, it becomes about the “OMG THAT’S THE ULTIMATE PRESENT, OMG HOW DID HE PULL THAT OFF WITHOUT HER KNOWING, OMG BEST BDAY SURPRISE EVAAAHHHH,” which makes the proposer feel all high and mighty for, arguably, the wrong reasons.

4. Finally, what if he/she says no? While the proposée could feel obligated to say yes outside of the love realm, they might not feel ready or may not even like you like you, but just like you (Hey Arnold, whattup).

Now, by all means, do whatever you want. I’m not here to tell you what you can and cannot do (because it’s your life, your choices, blah blah). BUT don’t say I never warned you.

4 Things to Remember When Going on a First Date

Grease

If only every date could be this perfect… Image Source: Redbook

First dates can be intimidating, especially when you can’t even remember the last time you put yourself out there. In celebration of the date I went on last week, which may have been the first semi-real date I’ve been on in a while, I’m offering up some advice, based on that experience and a few others. I’m also still talking to the guy, so that means it wasn’t a complete fail.

I recently saw a post on HowAboutWe’s The Date Report featuring this video that portrays the evolution of an entire romantic relationship, and while I was laughing, I realized that there are a few reasons why the relationship didn’t succeed, which may have to do with the very beginning of the relationship. Although many people don’t care about first dates, they’re fairly important, and in today’s world, first impressions certainly matter, although there is no such thing as a first, first impression, since people usually stalk each other via Facebook and other social media sites before actually meeting.

New Girl

Image Source: imgur

Here a few things to keep in mind, so you don’t completely freak out before and during your date:

  1. Don’t over think it. This applies to the actual date and the time spent getting ready for the date. Some of us, myself included, freak out before we even go on dates, and I’ll most likely think very pessimistic and morbid thoughts and expect the worst, and even though this can be beneficial, it’s best to not even think about the date until it happens. Who knows, this could either lead to something longterm and fulfilling, or it could be a sham. But either way, you’re still getting out there, and that’s always a good thing.
  2. Don’t share too much about yourself just yet. Try to maintain some sense of mystery, so then your date stays interested. Yes, this is a bit dishonest, but it’s smart, and it works. No one wants to hear your entire life’s story in one night anyways.
  3. Don’t seem too eager. As elementary as this sounds, play hard to get on a certain level. Don’t ignore your date, but you also don’t want to drool or seem super into him or her when you’re only on your first date!
  4. This may be the most important one, but be yourself.  Although you shouldn’t divulge everything about yourself on date #1, you also shouldn’t hide your personality. Enchant your date with your knowledge of Medieval history, and if you know a lot about cheese, then order some, and tell your date how your grandmother used to feed you cheese when you were little and that eating cheese reminds you of her (this may be my own personal tidbit). Or if you go to a club, get your freak out. Let your weird out (maybe not all of it just yet), but show your date that you’re comfortable in your own skin. Nothing’s sexier than self-confidence.

    Tina Fey

    Image Source: nbcsnl.tumblr.com

Even if the date goes south, at least you got some food or some dancing out of it. And if you two get along, but there’s no romantic connection, being friends wouldn’t hurt, although I know some friends who are against being friends with people that they went on dates with, but who cares? I still talk to people I’ve been on dates with.

As for the date, It could of been way, way worse. Always tell yourself that if your date ended up leaving a sour taste in your mouth (not literally, guys). As you read in my earlier post, your date could’ve been a drug addict, a sociopath, or way worse.

Tina Fey

Image Source: GURL.com

If you’re really in a bind during your date, channel Liz Lemon, and make the best out of a bad situation. Pretend he or she is a sandwich, order a sandwich, and get your grub on. After your date is over, you’ll be so full and satisfied, that you’ll forget about Tony or Doug or whoever that lame-o was!

Let me know in the comments what your tricks are for keeping your cool when you go on first dates!

Open Discussion: What’s Your Worst First Date?

50 First Dates

Image source: MovieBoozer

We’ve all had awkward dates and sketchy first encounters, especially with people we met from online, but there’s always that one first date with that one creep, who makes you never want to dip into the dating pool again.

My bad dating experience, which isn’t as bad as some of the ones you’re about to read from my friends, happened a few years back. I’m going to call him Henry. Henry and I originally met at a party, which now that I think about it, isn’t the best place to find your future somebody. After we talked, we agreed that we should meet up sometime. I was thrilled when he actually asked me on a date. After we went out to eat, he invited me back to his place to relax. Although I had fun on the date, I thought we would be better off as friends, and I assumed the feeling was neutral because of how the date went, but when we got back to his place, I remember seeing A LOT Lady Gaga posters in his room. I mean, do you need a Gaga poster on every wall (and multiple ones at that)? The Lady Gaga obsession wasn’t what really freaked me out though, but when I sat down on his bed, he immediately jumped on me and made this super drunk expression (he wasn’t even drunk–we had nothing to drink), as he was groping me and trying to make out. I immediately jumped up, told him I forgot to meet a friend at the library for a project, and jolted out as fast as I could. I just wasn’t feeling it. I’m not a huge fan of drunk-acting kissers, okay? And he just came on way too strong way too fast. Yeah, this may not be my weirdest sexual encounter by any means, but it’s along the lines of a weird first date.

Don’t worry, there are more totally awkward stories to come! I asked some of my friends about their first dates, and here’s what I got. I also asked Chanel, but she’s surprisingly never been on a bad first date. Some people have ALL the luck.

Catie,

I met this guy on tinder, and he said he worked in finance, so we met at this restaurant called The Smith in midtown. It was super nice. I see him and immediately think, “I’m not attracted to him; he does not look like his pic” hahaha. Then, we sit down to order, and I’m like so what are you drinking? And he goes, “Oh I don’t drink…” (Now I know this will absolutely not work). I ask why, and he says, “Oh, I’m actually Mormon,” and then, I ask him how long he’s living here for, and he’s like, “Just for the summer. I’m still in college.” I’m like, fucking shoot me. And then, after a long awk meal, he says let’s walk back to the subway by central park, and he proceeds to kiss me, and it was narsty. In the end, I couldn’t, but he was actually a nice kid. We just have different lifestyles.

Shirley,

It was the fourth of July, so we went to a baseball game. Little did I know my mom was also at the game and saw us. Then, I had to introduce him to all of my mom’s friends and deal with all of her questions (she didn’t know i was going on the date). I didn’t even like him, so I didn’t want to introduce him, and he was super eager and said we were dating. Then, he asked to come in when he dropped me off, and I wouldn’t let him, so we said goodnight. He went on to tell my friend’s sister that we had hooked up and were dating, so I had to block him from all media.
Clarissa,
So this guy asked me out, and I said okay. I told him I’d meet him at his house so that after dinner I could leave if I wanted to. I was super nervous and got to his place like exactly on time, so I felt stupid. I went and knocked on his door, and no one was answering, and I could hear really loud music, so I figured he couldn’t hear me knock, so I went in. He was like finishing getting ready but acting super weird and jittery, and I thought he was just nervous. He said he had a sushi place to go to, but when we got there, there was a really long wait, so he was like “No no no let’s go somewhere else..” He had obviously made no reservation or anything, so we went to another sushi place, and it was kind of a hole in the wall..nothing special at all. After we ordered, he hardly ate and was super intense and jittery. After we ate, he invited me to go out for drinks with his friends because it was one of their birthdays. I ended up drinking too much and fell asleep in the back of his car. I later realized he was a cokehead, and that’s why he was acting the way he was, like he went to the bar and drank while I was passed out in his car. Yeah…

After hearing all of my friends’ stories, I just have to hear all of yours! Feel free to be semi-vague or use fake names because all of my friends did! Some of us, not Chanel and I, don’t want all of our dirty laundry hanging outside for everyone to sniff (this is a horrible metaphor). Feel free to hit me up on Twitter and follow my date-related musings.

5 Perks of Singlehood

Keep Calm and Stay Single

Image Source: The Keep Calm-o-matic

In today’s world of teen pregnancy, couples are seriously everywhere. I don’t think I noticed in college how populous couples were, but in New York, it’s really hard to look away when couples are French kissing on the subway or when couples are groping each other on club dance floors. Just yesterday, I gawked at this interracial gay couple for ten minutes as I walked up 5th Avenue. They were holding hands, pecking each other on the face, and doing other cutesy couple things that make you want to say “Awwww!”

In all honesty, I’ve never really been in a real relationship. I can’t ever remember changing my Facebook relationship status to “In a Relationship,” but my friends and I did often joke around and listed each other as fake spouses. (Yeah, we were those kids)

Liz Lemon

This is definitely me every night. Image Source: http://gifsfln.tumblr.com/

But instead of drowning myself in fudge ice cream and cheesing out, I try to not be entirely self-loathing. I mean, there definitely are perks associated with being single. Yeah, it’s taking me a little while to think of some, but they exist!

Here are my own five reasons for why being single is oh so cool:

  1. You don’t have to please anyone. You can nerd out and be that little weird fat kid you’ve always wanted to be. Diets? No way. Well, diet and exercise if YOU want to do so for YOURSELF only. If I was dating someone, I might be a little weary to tell them how much I love cheese and Miley Cyrus, but I don’t, so I get to soak in my own weirdness 24/7.
  2. You can people watch and have 10 second crushes ALL THE TIME without feeling guilty. Some of my friends, who are in committed relationships, feel guilty for looking at people or for having sexually perverse thoughts, but this fear and sense of guilt doesn’t exist in the world of singledom (I’m seriously making these words up, I know)!
  3. Your schedule is pretty much OPEN all the time, unless you’re a workaholic like myself. Dinner plans on Thursday? No, those don’t exist. You can hangout WHENEVER and with WHOEVER you want. This freedom is only granted to single bodies y’all.
  4. ME TIME does indeed exist. Sometimes, it’s nice to just relax and not be with someone (even friends) all the time. This little bit of personal quality time definitely helps me regain my day’s worth of lost sanity.
  5. This goes off of #4, but you have ample time to work on yourself and to pursue your own personal interests, including but not limited to your career and/or hobbies. When you’re with someone, you often find yourself sacrificing your own wants and needs for the betterment of your relationship, and this just sucks. You need to work on you before you can work on anything else, especially a relationship.
Adventure Time

Don’t let this be you! Image Source: Rebloggy

Just remember: Don’t let the pressure to be in relationship affect you. Who cares if you’re single? Enjoy the time you have to yourself and let it be a means to work on yourself and to achieve some of your own goals. It’s important to have a sense of independence and self-worth before ever committing in a longterm relationship. This is my opinion, so feel free to revolt (in the comments below)!

Don’t forget to follow me on Twitter for more weird tidbits and and unheard of love advice. Another interesting read is Thought Catalog’s “Ten Reasons Why Being In A Relationship Sucks,” which also reiterates some of my points but in a different context.

Stop Hating on Miley, You Guys

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth

Image Source: E! Online

In honor of all of Miley’s recent success with BANGERZ, I thought, “What better way to kick off this blog than a post in defense of Miley’s recent, twerktastic and seemingly rebellious behavior?” Although many of you may not take me seriously for saying this, I’m definitely a Smiler at heart, and I’m proud to be one. Ever since Miley’s days on Hannah Montana, I was always a little bit obsessed. As she’s changed and matured over the years, I might not have always agreed with all of her life choices, but I definitely don’t dislike her for any of them. And although her “We Can’t Stop” music video may have shocked many with its overt promiscuous nature, I kind of loved it, and this quirky, over-sexual anthem was definitely my morning jam for a few weeks. As you all probably know, Miley and her former beau Liam Hemsworth have recently broken up, and Miley even called it quits on their imminent engagement. The now ex-couple had been fairly secretive about their private affairs over the last few months, but we all knew it was coming. For one, their last photo together was taken at the premier for Liam’s movie Paranoia, and that was well over a month ago. What’s really shocking to me is how Miley is receiving all of the blame for this recent separation. I know she’s not the a saint, but she definitely shouldn’t be shamed for dressing a  bit more provocatively as of late. This has most definitely happened to Miley before. Let’s not forget her recent twerktastic VMAs performance, as pictured below.

Miley Cyrus at the VMAs

Image Source: E! Online

I mean, people are still talking about this. It’s been a month, since her infamous performance aired, and all of this publicity has only benefited her; however, I believe all of the shade that’s being thrown her way is a bit uncalled for. Even though Miley may have been less dressed when compared to Robin Thicke, he was also shaking and grinding on her, and he received way less  negative attention than she did. Double standard much? Now, let’s get back to the breakup. So much has recently surfaced, since they broke up. For one, pictures  immediately blew up on the Internet of Liam and actress Eiza Gonzales. Miley even confessed that she planned on breaking up with Liam in February, but it was just too hard for her to let go. Although all of this is crazy and even a bit heartbreaking, I think Liam and Miley’s breakup and the all of the hatred that’s being thrown at Miley signifies something much more significant.

I personally don’t think people should be hating on Miley, but at least, they shouldn’t be hating on JUST Miley. I for one am a Smiler who thinks Liam is also in the wrong. There were numerous rumors going around that he was cheating, and he’s immediately spotted with another woman right after his breakup with Miley is publicized. The fact that everyone is projecting more hate on Miley points to larger gender-related problems in society like how women are still being stigmatized for either dressing or acting too provocatively. For example, everyone is applauding Liam, since all of his fans were desperately advising him to run for the hills. Miley is often portrayed as being trashy because of how she dresses/expresses herself, but instead, shouldn’t she be cheered on for boldly dressing how she wants to dress and for sparking a rebellion against conformity? (My answer: YES)

Many strong-minded musicians and feminist scholars have gone awry over Miley’s recent actions. The open letters between Miley, Sinéad O’Connor, and and Amanda Palmer are definitely worth checking out. In her “My Two Cents on Feminism and Miley Cyrus,” Lisa Wade sums up the whole quarrel pretty well and even adds some of her own thoughts on the matter. O’Connor warns Miley that the music industry is using her and her body for capitalistic and patriarchal gains. In opposition to O’Connor, Palmer states that O’Connor is only worsening the situation by directing anti-feminist statements to Miley. Yes, O’Connor does make valid points based on her institutional argument that we are all functioning within larger systems and that our actions shouldn’t comply with what those systems want. In Palmer’s mind, ALL women’s choices should be applauded or at least, women shouldn’t be criticized for their own individual actions.

She states that,

I want to live in a world where WE as women determine what we wear and look like and play the game as our fancy leads us, army pants one minute and killer gown the next, where WE decide whether or not we’re going to play games with the male gaze.

I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with Palmer. Even though many may think Palmer’s concept may be a bit too utopian for today’s world, she establishes a sound argument. Women should pick and choose for themselves and shouldn’t fear being shunned for dressing a particular way or for dating a particular person. Don’t we live in a progressive enough era where this can indeed be possible? Women have come such a long way, and all of this shade being thrown at Miley is only hurting feminism in the long-run.

Wade claims that Miley is participating in what sociologists call a “patriarchal bargain,” where she’s acting in an oversexual manner because that’s what our patriarchal society rewards, but I disagree. Although she’s being rewarded on an economic level, she’s still being shunned by a good part of society. She knows that she will only benefit from all of this hate, and I believe that she should at least be credited for outsmarting the system. She’s acting and dressing the way she wants and is benefitting at the same time. Yes, she’s being rewarded, but not because this is what society rewards and appreciates. Her actions may not be benefitting women in the sense that she’s allowing herself to be sexualized and eroticized in the media, but her actions showcase the fact that women are their own gatekeepers and should do whatever they want to do, and if you’re able to outsmart the system, then you deserve to be rewarded.

Miley Cyrus

Image Source: MTV Buzzworthy Blog

Although you may not agree with me, I’m really curious to hear your thoughts on this matter. Who do you think is in the wrong? Do you think society still reflects patriarchal ideals based on how fans and Miley haters handled this recent breakup? If you’re truly twerktastic, you would totally follow me on Twitter, and remember to follow WTF Love?, so you know when a new post is published!